In the News:
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie signed into law on August 19, 2013 legislation that bars licensed therapists from trying to turn gay teenagers straight. The New Jersey Senate Bill 1172 seeks to prohibit “any counseling to minors seeking to diminish or eliminate unwanted same-sex sexual attractions, behavior or identity.” I would like to talk about this from a counselor’s viewpoint. Most of the information concerning this controversy comes from a political viewpoint and I think the troubled teen is overlooked in the process.
I have counseled many a perplexed teen asking questions about their sexual orientation. They need someone to listen to them in a safe and encouraging environment. Where else can they have this conversation? Most don’t discuss it with their parents. Many of their peers give them advise but they themselves are in the throes of coming up with their own identity. Now the governor of New Jersey has legislated that you can’t talk about this to a licensed counselor. How does that make sense?
Let me give you a common scenario that I have experienced in the counseling office. A young teen tells me that he thinks he is gay but he’s not sure. I ask why he thinks he is gay and he tells me about an incident that happened a few years ago when he was molested by an older boy. He enjoyed parts of it and therefore decided he must be gay. Also he is shy and although he likes girls, no girls are interested in him. Under this new law my hands would be tied and I would have to say we can’t talk about that issue. Again, does that make any sense? I say, keep the politics out of the counseling room and don’t try to legislate what goes on in between a professional counselor and a questioning teen.
This law is an astounding overreach by the government into the realm of counseling and should be nullified. I agree with the Liberty Counsel that says, “This law is politically motivated to interfere with counselors and clients.” I also stand with the American Association of Christian Counselors. They are committed to doing everything possible to advocate for Christian principles and religious freedom in counseling, as well as to protect the rights of clients.
1. Mental Filter – This can give us tunnel vision when we filter out some information to concentrate on some other information. Often this involves looking at the negative aspects of something and filtering out the positives. Example: 5 people say positive things about but you concentrate on the one person who doesn’t appreciate you.
- 2. Jumping to Conclusions – This is when we have a hunch about something and presume that we are correct. We cannot read other people’s minds or predict the future. When we try we often cause ourselves trouble and disrespect the one who is interacting with us. We often interpret negative thoughts and feelings when they are not intended.
- 3. Personalization – This occurs when you blame yourself for things that you do not have control over. Carrying a high percentage of the blame will leave you overwhelmed and discouraged. Although accepting responsibility for your actions is considered a positive characteristic, it is unhelpful to accept more responsibility than is yours to carry.
- 4. Catastrophizing – This is another way of saying you are making mountains out of mole hills. This happens when we view the situation as terrible, awful, dreadful or horrible. When we do this we are likely to self-fulfill our thoughts.
- 5. Black and White Thinking – This is similar to all or nothing thinking. People are often proud of this characteristic but it can place friction mobile casino between you and those who don’t see things the same way. This also keeps us from accepting and learning from others.
- 6. Should’ing and Must’ing – When we apply this way of thinking it often leads to unrealistic expectations. Also when we fall short of the “should’s” and the “must’s” we can easily get frustrated, angry or disappointed. Be careful not to set the bar too high for yourself and others.
- 7. Overgeneralization – We do this when we make broad generalizations and global conclusions based on limited evidence. Many times this includes using statements such as, “all”, “never”, “always”, or “every”.
- 8. Labeling – By defining yourself or another person by one specific behavior we often ignore other positive qualities and characteristics. Note: people including yourself often live down to their labels.
- 9. Emotional Reasoning – Occurs when we live according to our emotions. When we live this way we tend to accept our emotions as the ultimate truth. It’s like we are saying to ourselves, “I feel, therefore it is.” Then we don’t allow rational thoughts or objective facts to influence us appropriately.
- 10. Magnification and Minimization – This often means we magnify the attributes of others and minimize our own attributes. However, this can also work the other way as well. We can get in the habit of minimizing our own involvement in a problem and place the blame on others.
This is the background of a 43 year old women who called for a counseling appointment this week. Her original complaint was that she was a compulsive liar and therefore was having trouble maintaining a relationship with her live-in-girlfriend. This is not a case that I looked forward to handling. I wasn’t that interested in helping this woman improve her lesbian relationship. However, I sensed a prompting of the Lord to find out the background of this woman and give her some help.
During our first session, I found out that she had been sexually abused by her uncle between the ages of 8 and 13. I also found out that when she was 17 she was raped by the father of a little girl she was babysitting. She never told anyone about any of these abuses. She has attempted suicide four times and each time she has ended up in the hospital psyche ward.
This girl was bullied in school because as you can imagine her self-esteem was low and she was overweight. She eventually dropped out of High School and never finished. Turning to the gay lifestyle she moved in with a woman who also abused her emotionally and physically. She stayed with this abusive woman for 22 years because she didn’t think she deserved anything better.
When she finally broke free from that relationship, she was harassed from a distance and has been lying to her new girlfriend to cover up the crazy things that were taking place.
This client is a woman that God loves and He wants to heal her heart from all the abuse she has suffered. The Center of Hope will be there to listen, empathize and encourage this dear soul. I’m not sure where the counseling will take us but I was glad that I accepted this appointment.
Below you will find a client’s profile from this week. We include it to help you to understand the situations we face every day. This unnamed woman is 30 years old and she came to us because she was depressed. She has been cutting herself to relieve her pain and to “feel something again.” She assures her female counselor that she does not want to die. She arrives for her first appointment wearing dirty clothes that are overly revealing. She is from Bloomsburg but could have been from any neighboring town or village.
Our anonymous client is dating a 20 year old man and wants to get pregnant. She was pregnant once before but had a miscarriage. She seems angry and has a hard time focusing on her own issues during counseling. She would rather talk about everyone else’s problems than her own.
Please pray for this woman and for the Center of Hope as we give her Biblical Counseling.
SAT., OCTOBER 12, 2013, 6:30PM
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Jonah is down and out. Chapter two finds him at the bottom of the sea with seaweed wrapped around his head while in the belly of a great fish. Circumstances do not get much more dire that that. Yet Jonah had hope.
That’s right, In Jonah 2:4b he tells God, “I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.” How does he figure he is going to do that? At this point he doesn’t even know up from down. And again in 2:6-7 Jonah says to God, “…But you, Lord my God, brought my life up from the pit. When my life casino online was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.”
Where did Jonah get the faith to pray to God and expect his prayer to be answered? He knew God that’s why he had hope. This reminds me of Jeremiah who wrote in Lamentations 3:21-23, “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Do you have hope today? You do if you know God. With God there is always hope. There was hope for the Ninehevites who repented at the last possible moment. There was hope for Jonah who rebelled against God. There is hope for you because God has great love for you. He is the God of second chances and third chances and beyond.
Jonah 1:3a, “But Jonah ran away from the Lord.” Why? I know he didn’t like his enemies in Ninevah and he had some reasonable hesitancy toward those who had attacked his homeland. However, he wasn’t running away from the Assyrians he was running away from the Lord. At the end of the third verse it repeats this thought, “he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.” In the Hebrew it literally means to run from the face of God.
Jonah obviously knew the Lord being one of his prophets. He studied the OT and when he prayed in the belly of the great fish, he quoted many passages of Scripture. So again, why did he have such distaste for the Lord that he wanted to flee his presence? What was going on in his heart? What was going on spiritually behind the scenes?
How did Jonah see God? He says to God in Jonah 4:2, “I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love…” Why then would he want to flee from his presence? However, before you judge Jonah too harshly consider whether you ever tried to run away from God.
We know that God is good all the time but sometimes we want to keep him at arm’s length. We like to do what we want to do and we don’t want to be reminded that God doesn’t approve. We don’t want to see God’s face at certain times when we just want to do what we want to do. After all God will forgive us and except us back into the fold when the times comes.
But God was not finished with Jonah. Just because he was running from him, God’s love for him didn’t let him get away. God pursued Jonah and when God pursues you there is no place to hide. Most people today don’t bother getting on a ship or even a plane; instead they just pretend that God presence isn’t there. Since God is not visible, it is easy for us to 2016 robe de mode de bal. Que vous assister au banquet de mariage. Il ya le meilleur choix pour l’obtention du diplôme de bal. Habiller comme vous pouvez choisir de magasiner en ligne. Pas cher et pratique. Nos robes de bal sont faits sur mesure, le prix est pas cher du tout. Et le style est le même
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Our New sign is finally up, they did a really great job! As you can see there is an Ag Center going in at the other end of our building.
Eph. 4:6 tells fathers not to provoke your children to wrath. What does that mean exactly? Dr. Wayne Mack has listed 34 descriptive statements identifying what we should avoid if we do not want to provoke our children. Circle one or two that you want to stop doing.
HOW TO PROVOKE YOUR CHILD TO WRATH
1. Spoil him & give him everything he wants.
2. Never spank your child.
3. Let him express himself any way he feels like doing.
4. Don”t run his life; let him run yours.
5. Don”t enforce household rules.
6. Don”t bother him with chores. Do them for him.
7. Give in when he throws a temper tantrum.
8. Give him a big allowance and never make him do anything for it.
9. Foster his dependence on you.
10. Make all his decisions for him.
11. Always bail him out of trouble; solve his problem; cover up for him.
12. Criticize others openly and routinely in his presence.
13. Make excuses for your own faults; blame your circumstances or other people.
14. Yell, shout, use abusive, demeaning, derogatory speech toward him.
15. Punish him with pouting sulking, tears or silence.
16. Never allow him to disagree.
17. Criticize him constantly, never praise him, or if you do, praise him for his performance and appearence, not for his character and attitude.
18. Complain about how much you are sacrificing to raise him.
19. Fight often with your mate; never solve online slots problems – avoid them or insist on having your own way; call your mate names let a child see a bad marriage in operation.
20. Threaten divorce or run away whenever you have a problem with your mate; communicate despair and a message that God is not sufficient and has no solutions to problems.
21. Never hug him or show any genuine warmth.
22. Promise you”ll do things, but make excuses when the time comes.
23. Take sides with him against your mate.
24. Be a domineering, overbearing husband or a passive, weak, non-communicative husband whose wife runs the family.
25. Be a cold, impersonal, domineering, nagging, pushy, manipulative wife.
26. Demand perfection from your child, don”t tolerate mistakes.
27. Talk all the time, never listen to what your child has to say.
28. Avoid relationships with people, don”t let him see you enjoying contacts with people.
29. Take extreme positions; act impulsively and impetuously; rely on your feelings.
30. Make a lot of rules about trivial things.
31. Have double standards or moving standards.
32. Practice making mountains out of mole hills; never overlook a fault; never let an issue die.
33. Keep yourself extremely busy; be a workaholic, never relax, play, or be frivolous.
34. Talk about Christ, the Bible, prayer, the church, but live as if Christ and these things are of secondary importance.
Director-Counselor, Center of Hope